Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
