so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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