i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
