real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
