Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
