Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
