You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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