...so i touched it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
