It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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