I feel like abortions should bother me more
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize