And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
being pregnant is like rehab
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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