I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
