miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
