Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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