the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
