I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
