is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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