I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
