Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize