My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i think i just lost a toe
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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