Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
