he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
