his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
