Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
