Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
