The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I love having hate sex.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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