He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
did i just pee glitter
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
