i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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