since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
