I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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