i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
