I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
