I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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