yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Never underestimate the power of titties
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
