If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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