If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
