it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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