i think my tv is drunk
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize