I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
