i need an iv and a liver transplant
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
