I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize