I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I need water and some morals
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
