apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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