I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
