I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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