fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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