Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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