Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
