youre lurking in front of me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
