he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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