Soap is not a condiment
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
