I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
