Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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