his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
