Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
