ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
