Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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