I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
