Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
