Having a random hookup so left but love u
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
third nipple confirmed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
