i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
