worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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