this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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