i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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