Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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