you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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