Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
