So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize