She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
why is half of my head shaved?
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