This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
