you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
