I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize