Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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