We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
