i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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