Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
