apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
