Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
