Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
