why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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